


i must admit, i momentarily fell into your maze

by lsdlukes (zaynjawaads)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, So there you go, and druggie!calum, dark!ashton, so i'm gonna say it includes, this is a pretty dark fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1662068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynjawaads/pseuds/lsdlukes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"the saddest things, i'm on the line<br/>and you know, you got my time<br/>you got my heart, you got my mind<br/>you got my soul, and i'm not fine"<br/>(song: "paddy" by the rubens.)</p><p>a future au in which cal and ash are poor and in love, living in a shitty apartment and smoking a lot of weed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i must admit, i momentarily fell into your maze

**Author's Note:**

> i highly recommend listening to the song "paddy" by the rubens whilst reading this. also this is unbeta'd so if it's shit it's all my fault

“It’s not the same anymore, is it Ash?”

“Hmn?” Ashton looks up from the lyrics he is poring over and swivels his chair to face his boyfriend. He pulls a cigarette out of the deck and puts its end to the stub of the one currently between his lips, puffing in and lighting it up. He throws his head back relaxedly as he blows out smoke and flicks the old one into an ashtray.

Cal is laying on his back on their double bed, arms by his sides and one foot crossed over the other. He is staring at the ceiling, seeming to pick apart the mould scattered there in his mind. They brought their tiny one bedroom flat after the band split up; Luke and his girl got married and Michael’s cancer finally got the better of him. (It took its sweet time, the cancer, the boys spent years teary-eyed at Michael’s bedside.) The boys went their separate ways, years of friendship resulting in one dead, one estranged, and the remaining two made social outcasts. The flows of money from merch and shows had dried up, and Calum and Ashton were left to downsize to their current dingy flat in the western suburbs of Sydney. The apartment was furnished sparsely and what furniture they could get their hands on was either ripped or scratched or falling apart. The locks on the doors could be opened if you had a bobby pin or a strong kick. Both Calum and Ashton worked average day jobs, but never having had a proper job before, got frustrated easily and the tension was starting to show in their relationship. To counter this they spent nights at local underground pubs getting pissed and making out to less-than-decent indie bands in the corner booth.

“It’s just not the same, even since we moved back from LA.” Calum sits up abruptly, his eyes boring into Ashton’s. “I mean, you and I, we’re falling apart.”

Ash stubs out the unfinished cigarette in the over-full ashtray on the desk before and moving to sit on the bed next to Cal. He puts his arms around his partner and lays them down, side by side. “You’re right. Whatever we have going, whatever we’re doing…” He trails off momentarily, and then regains his train of thought. “It’s not working.” Cal buries his head into Ashton’s shoulder as Ash continues. “We spend our waking hours either working or in some shitty, dimly-lit pub, getting pissed. I chain-smoke and you’re perpetually high. I mean, we’re practically alcoholics and druggies.” He sighs, but doesn't continue.

Calum, by way of replying, hands Ash one of his earbuds.

_I don't want to be the one_  
 _to stop you from having fun_  
 _I've held you back for long enough_  
 _it was different when we fell in love_

_I see these things I never saw_  
 _you love me, I love you more_  
 _not wasted time, but treasured years_  
 _it doesn't have to end in tears_

_I must admit, I momentarily fell into your maze_  
 _I must admit, I momentarily missed the good old days_

_It seems as though, you can't decide_  
 _now it's time, I swallowed my pride_  
 _And put it all on the line_  
 _I told you not to waste my time_  
 _you're the sweetest thing,_  
 _but you cut me deep_  
 _I can't eat and I can't sleep_  
 _I say these things, these cliché things_  
 _and now they all, make sense to me_

_I must admit, I momentarily fell into your maze_

_I must admit, I momentarily missed the good old days_

_The saddest things, I'm on the line_  
 _and you know, you got my time_  
 _you got my heart, you got my mind_  
 _you got my soul, and I'm not fine_

_I must admit, I momentarily fell into your maze_  
 _I must admit, I momentarily missed the good old days_

Ashton understands instantly. Calum doesn’t need to reply, the music says it all. They lay cuddled into each other’s’ sides for a while before Ash is struck with an idea. _The music says it all._

“Cal, we need to stop drinking, stop smoking. We need to stop sitting in those ratty booths. Save some money, get back on the stage. We’ll start with the pubs we usually go to. They know us, they’ll give us a shot. It’ll be our comeback. Cal and Ash. Together.” Cal looks longingly at the empty guitar stands in the corner of the room that they never bothered to get rid of once they sold their stage gear. He sighs.

“Ash, I love you, and I understand, but we can’t do that. We don’t have guitars. We don’t have drums. And they wouldn’t give us a gig, they’ve only ever seen us drunk.”

“Think about it though, Cal. We’ll use the money we save not drinking to buy a guitar and Cajon. You’ll play guitar, and I’ll play the Cajon, and we’ll both sing. We’ll take whatever gigs we can get, and we’ll work our way up. Just keep working. We won’t quit our jobs, we won’t put our lives on hold, it’s just a different way of spending our evenings. We can do it, I know we can.” Cal thinks about this. He guesses it makes sense. And he’s always trusted Ashton, he’s never led him wrong. Cal loves Ash, and he could never go against him.

“Okay.” Calum says. Ashton smiles broadly and cuddles further into Cal’s side. He starts nipping and sucking at Cal’s neck, and Cal swats him away. Ash growls into the skin of Cal’s neck and nips harder. Cal gives in and flips them over.

Only a month later they’ve saved enough to buy the guitar and Cajon. (It was the hardest moth Cal and Ash have ever had together, but somehow they get through.) Two months later and they’ve saved enough money for mics and amps. Cal isn’t a total failure with the slightly out of tune acoustic they bought and Ash’s voice has recovered enough from the smoking that he can sing. His voice is still gravelly and raspy (Cal finds it sexy) but they decide that they’re ready. They’re going to do it. They’re going to play music again.

The first gig goes terribly. Ash has a coughing fit in the middle of the set and Cal forces him to go off stage. Cal finishes the set himself but he plays terribly because he is so worried about Ashton.

They are never asked back to that pub. Ash starts smoking again and the coughing goes away, but Cal makes sure that he doesn’t spend too much money on smokes.

The second gig goes a little better. Ash tries to light a cigarette in between songs but Calum takes it away and snaps it in half. Ash is grumpy but has always played well when he is in a mood. Cal only stuffs up once or twice. They get cheered by the audience but still aren’t asked back.

The third gig is the best so far. Cal sits on a stool that’s “actually not fucking wobbly for once” and Ash finds himself really, finally getting the hang of the whole no smoking during gigs thing. They play a near-perfect set. As soon as they’re done Cal packs their gear into the back of his crummy station wagon while Ash sits on the steps, having a smoke. It is during this post-show ritual that the manager of the pub comes out to tell them that they’ve “got the gig at the same time next week. And you better not be fucking late this time.”

“Yes sir.” Ash salutes as he stomps out his ciggy. The manger walks back inside, grumbling about “fucking strange musos”.

The next three gigs go perfectly. They’re asked back again and again. During their usual pack up routine after the last gig, they are approached by a big guy in a leather jacket. “I’m the owner of a club down the road,” he explains. “I’d like you to play this time slot at my club.”

“Why would we do that?” Ash asks as Calum winces slightly and attempts to hide as far back into the trunk as he can. The guy ignores the question.

“How much are they paying you per gig? Two hundred?”

“One hundred.” Ash answers with a grimace. “Exactly. I’ll give you two-fifty. Plus post-show drinks, if you’re any good.”

Ash opens his mouth to answer but Calum steps in. “We’ll do it.” He says, elbowing Ash in the ribs when he rolls his eyes. The guy nods and hands them a slip of paper before walking off. Calum and Ash look down at the paper. It has an address and the name of a club on it.

“Wait, that’s the fancy-once-every-two-months-date-night club!” Cal exclaims.

“See? I told ya’. Moving on up.” Ashton smirks, kissing his boyfriend happily.

 

**Author's Note:**

> so i guess it's just a thing i did and yeah. it happened late one night when i was listening to this song on repeat. it was originally a cake fic but i really can't see luke chain smoking at three in the morning so that went out the window. also my brotp is muke so it only follows that this is cashton. idk it just works better in my head. just think dark!ashton and there you go.


End file.
